What does it mean to be a professional Dominant in today's world?

Join us on July 25th at 9pm EST for a discussion with Jareth McKenzie.

I have been kinky my entire life. There was no trauma that made me this way, it is just the way I developed. I grew up in a Southern Baptist home and was raised mainly by women. I was always surrounded by strong women. My mother raised me and my sister pretty much by herself, although my dad was physically there, he rarely interacted with us. My grandmothers took us during the summers, and the women of my home church were the backbone of the community.

My proclivities were apparent to no one. The few male friends I played with were more interested in football and wrestling, and since my favorite game involved tying up imaginary girls, I usually played alone. My imagination was my world, and I was the prince of that world. At that age, I had no idea what sex was, but I remember that I had a desire to lock girls in cages at an early age.

I never got along well with other boys. I was always too emotional for them to be “one of the guys”, and my interests in math and science didn’t really match with small-town Mississippi views of what it meant to be successful. The boys on the school bus loved making me cry calling me “cry-baby.” Think of “Stranger Things” but with red-necks and no super-natural friend. I look back occasionally and see those bullies with broken families, sexless marriages, unhappy spouses, and multiple divorces, and I think, “If you just could have been a little more in touch with your emotions, you would be able to relate to your wife better and you would both be happier.”

I put away my kinky desires. I was a dork, a nerd, and a geek all rolled into one. I loved science, band, and girls. I was one of the only kids that kept the same girlfriend year after year because I knew how to talk to her and communicate with her. Again, I didn’t know what sex was all about. I was a good Southern Baptist boy from the deep south. Sex was something reserved for marriage. The relationships I had with girls were pure and pretty sexless until I moved away from home.

Yes. I know you are envious of the sweet sweet mullet.

Family years

In college, I started my exploration of sex with someone other than myself…real girls.

I hung around the gaming groups, because who else played Dungeons and Dragons in the early 90s? Just the nerds. This was before it was cool to play D&D, and not something you proudly declared. Something I have noticed, the nerds turn out to be the ones that are the kinkiest. It was in college I got my first taste of something different than just the Southern Baptist goodie-two-shoes.

Right after college, 1999, I had ended up getting married, getting divorced, then getting married again. My wife at the time and I both had kinky leanings but decided to keep it out of our marriage. So most of the years of having children and watching them grow up, there isn’t a lot of kink happening.

Modern History

2006 – I go to my first Munch in Austin, sponsored by GWNN – Group with No Name. It did take me about two months to ACTUALLY go in. (A munch is a social event where kinky people gather at a restaurant for a meal with like-minded people.) I felt like I finally found my people. There were nerds, geeks, and dorks everywhere. As I began to get to know them I found out there were professors, lawyers, doctors, nurses, law enforcement, etc. in the groups. My first years in the community were filled with trial and error. But I was determined to learn what the hell I was doing. Looking back on my childhood, I learned that the right way to treat women was to learn from them how they want to be treated. So, I decided that I would start learning from submissives the best way to treat submissives.

2011 – Discovered a lot of things that didn’t work for me. Another divorce which was actually very friendly. She said, “I just can’t be with someone who is poly.” Fair enough.

I tried dating and realized I couldn’t date vanilla folk. They typically just don’t understand me.

I gave being on the other side of the slash a try for a bit and was in service to an amazing Domme, but that didn’t work out either.

I finally found someone amazing and submissive. I began to blossom as a Dominant. We would go to conventions and play, and people would come up to us and comment, “I really enjoyed watching you two play.” I had the confidence and drive to start studying kink like it was an academic subject. I would go to classes, conventions, read books, watch videos, and talk to anyone who had something to say. I learned a LOT through those years.

If you think I look frazzled, nursing school will do that to you

Life begins when the kids move out and the dog dies.

Currently – I finally feel like I have made it to being a grown up. I have had a slave serve me for 9 years. That amazing partner, without whom I would not be who I am, has found happiness in another part of the country with someone else, and that is ok. She is happy, and that is what I really want. Kids are moving out of the house. The dog has died after 19 years. I have a companion live-in slave who is supportive and understanding. I have had another live-in girl recently released from a collar who has sprouted her wings and is learning to fly in the world on her own. I have reached the point in my life where I want to share what I have learned.

So, I am opening up, and taking a chance on becoming one of the few male professional dominants. I have heard all the reasons why there are lots of female dommes and no male doms. Good thing I’m not counting on this for retirement, but who knows, it may provide a very comfortable living doing something I love.

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